I literally have been asked that so many times and No is always my answer.
As we get to know each other you may consider me bi-sexual, confused, crazy, or maybe you’ll have your own word for me. Either way, right now in my life I’m a lesbian. Whew, talk about nervous! Incase you do not know, this is my life! all stories, tips, advice anything from this blog is based off real LIFE! My real life. So… Lets get right into it.
Okay so since about forever girls have just always been more attractive to me, “a pretty face loves a pretty face.. unless your full of jealousy and hate” – Nisha (Me) But for some reason in high school I didn’t get along with alot of pretty girls, cause to me they were full of jealousy and hate lol, but I mean come on now it was high school all girls wanted what other girls had, like me for instance. I would have killed for tits, considering I didn’t and still don’t have any lol. When I came into high school I was already considered slightly popular because my current boyfriend :who I met the year before due to me being new in his neighborhood, and became super close with that summer before: attended there… anddd was a popular football player, and to me and lots of the other girls was very attractive. (I even thought he was pretty) lots of feminine features in my eyes. So right off the bat I’m sure you can imagine the evil looks, a new freshmen walking the halls, holding hands with a 2nd year football player. I wasn’t scared to be there, I had an immediate confidence, which girls from middle school don’t possess so easily around seniors and girls with fully grown body parts! I had a look about me that pushed away most people. I’m a cancer, so i was protecting myself people!!! I was NOT mean.. moving along, I made honor roll, great friends, enemies, and the cheerleading team (go figure right) !!!! It was hard keeping the image like I was okay and happy all the time, no one knew I was receiving notes in my locker of threats, getting notes sent around in class about me, groups of girls throwing spit balls at me(from straws ewww right), making jokes of my shoes, my hair, my body, just about everything! My bus rides home were almost a night from HELL If I had to ride alone (meaning my bf had practice and I didn’t). High school was HARD! A life changing experience for us all I’m sure.
I discovered my sexuality in high school, I was a virgin, yes, but had already kissed a girl my bestfriend from middle school, and we’d touched each other and things. Even after having a boyfriend that never left my mind. I felt more comfortable with her than with my bf, all we did was kiss literally… I knew he was cheating on me, having sex with females in the school, embarrassing me behind my back, I knew it because I wasn’t about to have sex!!! He knew that all too well because he tried a couple times, i said no and he respected by wishes. Those lovely graphic bathroom walls, would tell me every chance it got how unfaithful he was. Being that i had a HUGE crush on a girl basketball player at our school I didn’t care what he done, he kept me protected in the halls which I needed and he was also a great friend… still to this day.
I’m feeling all types of feelings just writing about this right now, and that was only the BEGINNING! I went into high school a virgin with a boyfriend, left highschool with a baby and girlfriend!! Yes… let that sink in.
Fastforwarding to Junior year, I’m pregnant!!! still have the same boyfriend; Chaz is his name. I was cheerleader still up until i found out, but when I did find out I was more upset than I’ve ever been in my life! Not because I only had sex TWICE, or because i was publicly embarrassed by Chaz on Valentine’s day a couple weeks before when he brought me and his other girlfriend gifts to school! No! None of that was reason why, it was because I felt like I was in loveeeeeee. Oh my goodness, she was everything! Not only was she great at basketball, beautiful, and just dreamy… she was unapologetically HERSELF she dressed how she wanted, said what she felt, didn’t care what people thought of her, she was so brave. I admired her you guys, but she didn’t know any of this. To her I was just a friend of a friend, a loud preppy cheerleader, someone she didn’t pay attention to (atleast I thought). Once I was pregnant I guess I just couldn’t hold my emotions in, they were all over the place I couldn’t help myself so I told her bestfriend I liked her, in a note! Whyyyyyy did I put it on paper? Freaking high school note passing right ? We all did it! So, ofcourse her bestfriend gives my crush the note although it was PRIVATE! I tried to stop her but was unlucky, until the next day when I recieved one in my locker… “Is she playing or do you really like me? I don’t believe you wrote this. hit me up -Dj” w/her number and my note attached. We wrote notes back and fourth for about week before we actually spoke, but when we did! Talk about butterflies, from then on we were inseparable! Chaz didn’t have a clue. YET!
Did I tell her I was pregnant?
Did Chaz know about her?