Dear undercover lesbian,

 Hi, I’m Nisha. Incase you didn’t know another lesbian in this world.. now you do! Yay right ?

 An Undercover lesbian could mean a couple things, you could just find woman more attractive than men, you could have a crush on a girl, you could of kissed a girl and liked it but you’ve never told, had sex with a woman ONCE (don’t know how that’s possible lol), or you have a g/f and it’s a secret, you could have married a man to cover up your cravings for a woman but still feel them, etc etc. I know I said Undercover Lesbian could mean a couple things, and I named like 5 or 6 lol got carried away hehehe, I just want you to know if you feel there’s no one out there who relates, there is.

Now-a-days being a lesbian is more accepted, it’s even legal to marry in some states. Does that make it easier? Not exactly! especially if when you come from a Christian family, or have a family just simply “stuck in they way”. You can go to school, work or be with your close friends and be yourself, but at home and/or family gatherings your who they want you to be. Talk about uncomfortable.. No, talk about UNDERCOVER ! 

Stay close I have stories from every end of the stick people!

Your gay ? No, I’m a Lesbian. Introduction

I literally have been asked that so many times and No is always my answer.

As we get to know each other you may consider me bi-sexual, confused, crazy, or maybe you’ll have your own word for me. Either way, right now in my life I’m a lesbian. Whew, talk about nervous! Incase you do not know, this is my life! all stories, tips, advice anything from this blog is based off real LIFE! My real life. So… Lets get right into it.

Okay so since about forever girls have just always been more attractive to me, “a pretty face loves a pretty face.. unless your full of jealousy and hate” – Nisha (Me) But for some reason in high school I didn’t get along with alot of pretty girls, cause to me they were full of jealousy and hate lol, but I mean come on now it was high school all girls wanted what other girls had, like me for instance. I would have killed for tits, considering I didn’t and still don’t have any lol. When I came into high school I was already considered slightly popular because my current boyfriend :who I met the year before due to me being new in his neighborhood, and became super close with that summer before: attended there… anddd was a popular football player, and to me and lots of the other girls was very attractive. (I even thought he was pretty) lots of feminine features in my eyes. So right off the bat I’m sure you can imagine the evil looks, a new freshmen walking the halls, holding hands with a 2nd year football player. I wasn’t scared to be there, I had an immediate confidence, which girls from middle school don’t possess so easily around seniors and girls with fully grown body parts! I had a look about me that pushed away most people. I’m a cancer, so i was protecting myself people!!! I was NOT mean.. moving along, I made honor roll, great friends, enemies, and the cheerleading team (go figure right) !!!! It was hard keeping the image like I was okay and happy all the time, no one knew I was receiving notes in my locker of threats, getting notes sent around in class about me, groups of girls throwing spit balls at me(from straws ewww right), making jokes of my shoes, my hair, my body, just about everything! My bus rides home were almost a night from HELL If I had to ride alone (meaning my bf had practice and I didn’t). High school was HARD! A life changing experience for us all I’m sure. 

I discovered my sexuality in high school,  I was a virgin, yes, but had already kissed a girl my bestfriend from middle school, and we’d touched each other and things. Even after having a boyfriend that never left my mind. I felt more comfortable with her than with my bf, all we did was kiss literally… I knew he was cheating on me, having sex with females in the school, embarrassing me behind my back, I knew it because I wasn’t about to have sex!!! He knew that all too well because he tried a couple times, i said no and he respected by wishes. Those lovely graphic bathroom walls, would tell me every chance it got how unfaithful he was. Being that i had a HUGE crush on a girl basketball player at our school I didn’t care what he done, he kept me protected in the halls which I needed and he was also a great friend… still to this day. 

I’m feeling all types of feelings just writing about this right now, and that was only the BEGINNING! I went into high school a virgin with a boyfriend, left highschool with a baby and girlfriend!! Yes… let that sink in.

Fastforwarding to Junior year, I’m pregnant!!! still have the same boyfriend; Chaz is his name. I was cheerleader still up until i found out, but when I did find out I was more upset than I’ve ever been in my life! Not because I only had sex TWICE, or because i was publicly embarrassed by Chaz on Valentine’s day a couple weeks before when he brought me and his other girlfriend gifts to school! No! None of that was reason why, it was because I felt like I was in loveeeeeee. Oh my goodness, she was everything! Not only was she great at basketball, beautiful, and just dreamy… she was unapologetically HERSELF she dressed how she wanted, said what she felt, didn’t care what people thought of her, she was so brave. I admired her you guys, but she didn’t know any of this. To her I was just a friend of a friend, a loud preppy cheerleader, someone she didn’t pay attention to (atleast I thought). Once I was pregnant I guess I just couldn’t hold my emotions in, they were all over the place I couldn’t help myself so I told her bestfriend I liked her, in a note! Whyyyyyy did I put it on paper? Freaking high school note passing right ? We all did it! So, ofcourse her bestfriend gives my crush the note although it was PRIVATE! I tried to stop her but was unlucky, until the next day when I recieved one in my locker… “Is she playing or do you really like me? I don’t believe you wrote this. hit me up -Dj” w/her number and my note attached. We wrote notes back and fourth for about week before we actually spoke, but when we did! Talk about butterflies, from then on we were inseparable! Chaz didn’t have a clue. YET!

Stay Tuned.

Did I tell her I was pregnant?

Did Chaz know about her?

What’s next?

But we can’t, can we ? Pt. 2

If you have yet to read part 1, please stop here and do so 😊. 

Coming out of the 10 second daze I hurry and look over to Kayla (hoping she didn’t notice).. luckily she was occupied talking and laughing with a friend who walked over to the car. I put my head down in shame, I felt bad. After all, this girl was supposed to be Kaylas new “friend” and I was in a situation of my own. Right ? About 45 minutes pass, we’re all outside the club mingling with gay associates and lesbian buddies. When it was time to go in Kayla walks to her “friend” [OKAY OKAY her name is Leslie, but we call her Le] happy now? Lol. Now back to the story…. Kayla walked over to her and they lock hands !!! Yeah, you read correct. HAND IN HAND WALKING INTO THE CLUB!! At that moment, anything I felt in the car, in the daze, in my belly, it didn’t matter.. And I was okay with that; after all I was young, pretty and almost drunk, couldn’t stop my shine then if you wanted to. We go in, have an amazing night, I get dropped off to my car and as for Le and me? That was it. To my knowledge she was Kaylas property and off limits, they went home together that night (Le’ s home that is) and I went home to my baby daughter and.. and… and.. just say it nisha! Alright and my girlfriend 🙈🙊.

Next day, woke up next to my gf with Le on my mind, and my next thought was that if Kayla knew she’d kill me!

Are Kayla and Le an item?

Will Le and I meet again?

Why am I thinking about her?

Is she thinking about me?

Am I a bad friend?

But we can’t, can we ? Pt. 1

“Tonight were gonna ride with my friend so you don’t have to drive” that’s what my friend told me while I’m putting on my outfit from Family Dollar (yes I got my top and shorts from the dollar store, it was last minute, and I’m cheap.. don’t judge). “Who is your friend, you know I don’t get in the car with people I don’t know, especially if we’re drinking” I told her, and she knew this. She explains it’s her new “friend” she met last weekend and that she was okay to be around and etc. Eventually I agree, and me and her end up outside talking, laughing, taking pictures, awaiting the “friend”. 

The horn blows, I don’t respond due to the fact my grandmother told me “blows are for h*es!” and I am NOT that! want my attention? Don’t blow your horn! So, fastforwarding… I’m in the back of this “friends” car, applying my lip gloss, bopping to the music, in my own world; only to look up to this “friend” eyeing me from the rear view mirror, like eyeing me eyeing me (if you know what I mean) with such interest as if she isn’t front seat riding with my almost life long friend, uhmmm, I blushed. You guys, I BLUSHED AND I EVEN FREAKING SMILED! Was I crazy ? Was she crazy ? Did Kayla see ? (Kayla is my life long friends name btw) Did she notice my reaction ? Was she looking away ? Should I say something ? Eeww Nisha what is wrong with you ? So many thoughts ran through my head, so many questions!!! The rest of the ride I didn’t look up unless me and Kayla were talking, I mostly stayed on my phone and let the music cloud my head, trying to dust it off, after all I was in a “situation” of my own but that’s for another time. Keep reading.

We’re here! We make it to the club. We all begin to step out, all I’m thinking about is not having eye contact with Kaylas “friend”. I grab my phone from the seat, step out, fix my bra straps, and start pulling my shorts down. I look up and find myself in a whole 10 second gaze of affection with this girl I’ve never met before, my heart was racing I could feel it.. private area tingles, stomach full of butterflies.. the whole 9! 

What the heck is going on right ?